Absence

My family members and I have been taking turns visiting with my mom at the hospital. She was allowed to come home on Sunday, but awoke Monday morning unable to breathe, so we ended up back in the ER and then in admissions at the hospital. She has been in the hospital since and we don't yet know when she will be able to come home or if she will be able to do so independently.

True to form in my life, the realization that she needed to return to the hospital took place, the 911 call was made and then all hell broke loose for the next few minutes. It seems that I panic just a tad when faced with real life drama. It is not any easier when there are 3 dogs, 2 firemen, and 2 paramedics all making noises and requesting their own needs be met. It also didn't help that the phone inexplicably went dead in the middle of my 911 call. The result was that everyone arrived to help before I was prepared to receive help. I was trying to give my mom medicine when the doorbell rang and the dogs went insane. I ran and grabbed one dog under each arm and pushed them into their crate, before getting the other dog into my arms and opening the door for the EMTs. I was promptly told, "Put the dogs away!" and it felt very personal at the moment as I had been trying. I might add that I had been awake all of 5 minutes by that point and I am NOT a morning person.

It is sad and frustrating to sit in a hospital room with a family member for days and days and not see a lot of improvement. It is even worse when your home is 150 miles away and you know your mailbox is overflowing, and that, no matter how unimportant, your homelife and its amenities are unavailble. There is a quality of life that comes from sleeping in your own bed that can not be overestimated. I love my mom and want to help her meet her needs, but I am very homesick.

I have also learned that I am more addicted to the internet than I realized and have had to stop in to check my email at Kinko's on a number of occasions. Today, though, I was relieved that my brother allowed me access to his computer for just a while so that I could come by his home, sit with the dogs and write down these thoughts, as inconsequential as they are.

Tomorrow may bring good news. I hope so. In the meantime, I am off for a nap in a bed too small for me and with three dogs that insist on cuddling next to me as I try to sleep.

Categories: memories mom hospitalization illness