Sunday, February 06, 2005

Surviving AIDS with Dim Sum and Basketball

"The cursor blinks at me as I sit contemplating the new growth of thrush in my mouth. I've been taking Nizoral orally for almost 2 weeks, yet it persists. This is the worst it has ever been and I am frightened that it is my turn to be brought down, even if only for a short while (and I hope that is all it amounts to.)

The timing is just not good, damn it. My Dad is ill with cancer and my lover is in the hospital recovering from a radical prostatectomy due to cancer. My CD4 count when last evaluated was at 589, so I shouldn't have that much trouble with thrush.

And all I can think about is the fear of being cut off in mid-sentence. There is so much that I think needs to be said and done and so much that I want to do. Suddenly, it seems that Tantalus has climbed into my body and that life itself is a long drink of water...elusive and unattainable."
Ron Hudson 29 April 1994


It has been 10 years now since I wrote that passage. It is a much better state of mind that occupies my spirit right now. I have no thrush at present and am awaiting my nephew, Matt and his girlfriend, Brigid, to join me for dim sum lunch.

Sunday dim sum at Hong Kong Restaurant here in Durham has become a ritual lately. There was a time back around 1994 when I would have faced each day with the question of whether to give up or keep fighting. Now I think, oh, shit, I might want to kill myself from time to time, but I have to wait till I can get dim sum at least one more time. It is one of those things that keep me going.

After lunch, I plan to return home to watch UNC's men's Tar Heel basketball team play Florida State. The Tar Heels have done their part in the past in keeping me alive too. I learned from them that when things look the darkest, there is a good chance that you can still come back and win or at least make the game look respectible. I don't know how many times I have watched this team return from humiliation to win a game that was lost. I admire the coaches and players very much. I especially like that they are recognized for their achievements and are currently ranked in the top 2 teams in the US. I am hoping to see them win it all this year, but even if not, the season has been wonderful to watch.

Let us toast long life and love with shrimp rolls and turnip cakes! Whatever it takes! Go Heels!

Ron


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